Normally, when December rolls around, the holiday parties come out. Banquet rooms are booked, invites go out, halls are decked, and someone inevitably gets a bit too cozy with the nog. Normally. This, however, has been a year that’s been anything but normal.

But should we let 2020 prevent us from gathering up and celebrating with our comrades and clients? No way, now that we’re all proficient in Zoomings and Hangouts and Zohos and the like, it’s time to party. Virtually.

Thus, we come to you bearing thoughts, ideas and random nonsense to help overcome the tremendous void that arises from missing out on a front row seat to the CEO’s ginspired words of wisdom and encouragement.

So, in accordance with protocols and mandates and the wrath of Santa, we present a few tidbits on how to assemble a virtual holiday party that won’t soon be forgotten (unless you’re the one who goes heavy on the nog).

Step one, announce your intentions to the crew. Send out invites with a date, time, a link to the party, and a little incentive to encourage their participation. Then, choose from any of the below to assemble a party of varying degrees of joviality:

• Lubricant. Perhaps a bottle of wine (with card) delivered in advance to each employee will serve to lower inhibitions and enhance frivolity. Non-drinkers are encouraged to gift their bottle of joy to their cats and dogs, a donation that might contribute to the evening’s entertainment.
• Ugly Sweaters. In a time when 78% of all Zoomers meet in their pajama pants, it’s not asking too much to get ugly in the company of your cronies. Of course, only one can go home (or stay home) as the Grand Champion of Gaudiness. No recounts will be held on voter outcomes.
• Munchies. Every participant is encouraged to gather up their favorite appetizers, dips, cookies, and pudding that will provide sustenance over the course of this affair. Extra points for those who prominently display their gingerbread houses. More extra points for those who deconstruct said homes in the presence of all before them.
• Karaoke. Each person in attendance essentially has a stage before them in the form of their computer. All that’s needed are a few lyrics, a good swig or two, and a fair amount of nerve. Heavy on the bubbly, easy on the Bublé.
• Caroling. Get crafty with where this one goes or simply let your comrades create their own iterations, a leap of faith that may result in 2020-inspired classics like “O Come all Ye Fateful,” “Blight Christmas,” and “The 12 Days of Quarantine.”
• The Big Speech. Okay, this is optional for whoever’s in charge or for whoever’s mug sits atop the totem pole. If you’re the big kahuna, it’s a fine time to review the year (its ups as well as its challenges) and to rally the troops for the optimistic times that are before us. If you’re an underling, however, this is a fine time to press your volume button hard left. Just be sure to keep smiling into the camera and to ramp up the volume when any mention of a bonus arises.
• Happy Uber to all and to all a good couch. Chances are, you’re likely at home, a twist in the holiday party scene that makes our world a little safer in more ways than one. That means that celebrating this party over the screen keeps us from getting behind the wheel. And that’s a very good thing. Equally significant, however, is the power of this party to bring us all a little closer together, a fête that goes a long way toward rolling into all the positivity that we’re desperately in search of and that we’ll all fondly reflect on, with the possible exception of the excess Nogger, that is.

From all of us, our best wishes for a Happy HoliDAE.